She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
