Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
