Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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