I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
