we made out on top of his cat.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
