I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
