toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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