The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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