Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
