You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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