I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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