the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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