you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
