I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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