The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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