A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
