Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
