Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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