3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I cockslap morals
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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