I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
