I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
