i wish my penis had a tongue
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
