Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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