i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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