I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
