Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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