I'm drive I can fine osifer
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
