$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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