quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
