Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
