he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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