Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
