Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
