If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
