And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
