Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
