does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
