If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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