I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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