Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
