I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Damn victory sex feels great
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
