I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
