Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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