So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
