Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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