we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
as a side note pls kill me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
