I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
