so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
