.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
