smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
