My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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