I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
