I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
