If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
