I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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