He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
love makes seman taste better
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
