I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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