it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
