so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
