they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
