Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
